ENDE

The Complete Anger Course

32 lessons in six parts. The full program from the app, free to read, at your own pace. Every lesson has a short idea, an exercise, and a video.

Part 1 · Understand the alarm

Before you can steer your anger, you need to know what it is. This part reads the alarm: what it signals, where it comes from and what it costs. Each lesson names the chapter of The Anger Signal that goes deeper.

  1. 01What Is Anger?
  2. 02Where Does Anger Come From?
  3. 03The Anger Spectrum
  4. 04What Anger Costs You

Part 2 · Catch it early

Anger is far easier to steer at a 3 than at an 8. This part covers the load you carry, the signals your body sends and the ladder you climb.

  1. 05What Are Triggers?
  2. 06Your Body's Early Warning System
  3. 07Mapping Your Trigger Patterns
  4. 08The Anger Escalation Ladder
  5. 09The 90-Second Window
  6. 10Building Your Cool-Down Toolkit

Part 3 · Calm the storm

Hands-on tools for body and mind: for the moment the heat rises, and for the quiet days when you train the calm in advance.

  1. 11Breathing to Calm the Storm
  2. 12Grounding and Sensory Anchoring
  3. 13Progressive Muscle Relaxation
  4. 14Meditation for Anger
  5. 15Hypnosis and Deep Reprogramming

Part 4 · Say it cleanly

How to say what you feel and need so the other person can actually hear it. The book covers this in Part IV, Saying It Cleanly.

  1. 16"I" Statements vs. "You" Statements
  2. 17Active Listening Under Pressure
  3. 18Setting Boundaries Without Escalating
  4. 19NVC Foundations
  5. 20Working With Your Own Anger Through NVC
  6. 21Empathy for the Angry Other
  7. 22NVC in Conflict

Part 5 · Work it out

When the other person is angry too and the stakes are real: the pause, the need behind the position, repair, and the negotiator's tools.

  1. 23The Cool-Down Before the Conversation
  2. 24Finding the Need Behind the Position
  3. 25Repair After Rupture
  4. 26Tactical Empathy
  5. 27Labeling and the Late-Night DJ Voice
  6. 28Mirrors, Calibrated Questions, and NO
  7. 29BATNA, ZOPA, and Negotiation Strategy

Part 6 · Make it last

Turn the tools into a practice that survives a bad week: one protocol, the root under the recurring fights, and a plan for the next thirty days.

  1. 30Combining the Tools
  2. 31Anger Patterns and Root Work
  3. 32Building a Sustainable Practice
The research behind this book
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  2. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.
  3. Averill, J. R. (1983). Studies on anger and aggression: Implications for theories of emotion. American Psychologist, 38(11), 1145–1160.
  4. Greenberg, L. S. (2017). Emotion-Focused Therapy (rev. ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. (On primary vs. secondary emotions.)
  5. Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (3rd ed.). Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press.
  6. Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the Inside Out. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam. (On inherited emotional patterns and how making sense of your own history changes them.)
  7. Barrett, L. F., Gross, J., Christensen, T. C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you're feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition & Emotion, 15(6), 713–724.
  8. Kashdan, T. B., Barrett, L. F., & McKnight, P. E. (2015). Unpacking emotion differentiation: Transforming unpleasant experience by perceiving distinctions in negativity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(1), 10–16.
  9. Novaco, R. W. (1975). Anger Control: The Development and Evaluation of an Experimental Treatment. Lexington, MA: D.C. Heath.
  10. Williams, R. B., Barefoot, J. C., & Shekelle, R. B. (1985). The health consequences of hostility. In M. A. Chesney & R. H. Rosenman (Eds.), Anger and Hostility in Cardiovascular and Behavioral Disorders (pp. 173–185). Washington, DC: Hemisphere.
  11. Chida, Y., & Steptoe, A. (2009). The association of anger and hostility with future coronary heart disease: A meta-analytic review of prospective evidence. Journal of the American College of Cardiology, 53(11), 936–946.
  12. Mostofsky, E., Penner, E. A., & Mittleman, M. A. (2014). Outbursts of anger as a trigger of acute cardiovascular events: A systematic review and meta-analysis. European Heart Journal, 35(21), 1404–1410.
  13. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown.
  14. Cummings, E. M., & Davies, P. T. (2010). Marital Conflict and Children: An Emotional Security Perspective. New York: Guilford Press.
  15. Butler, E. A., Egloff, B., Wilhelm, F. H., Smith, N. C., Erickson, E. A., & Gross, J. J. (2003). The social consequences of expressive suppression. Emotion, 3(1), 48–67.
  16. Yoo, S. S., Gujar, N., Hu, P., Jolesz, F. A., & Walker, M. P. (2007). The human emotional brain without sleep, a prefrontal amygdala disconnect. Current Biology, 17(20), R877–R878.
  17. Krizan, Z., & Hisler, G. (2019). Sleepy anger: Restricted sleep amplifies angry feelings. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 148(7), 1239–1250.
  18. Füstös, J., Gramann, K., Herbert, B. M., & Pollatos, O. (2013). On the embodiment of emotion regulation: Interoceptive awareness facilitates reappraisal. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 8(8), 911–917.
  19. Craig, A. D. (2009). How do you feel, now? The anterior insula and human awareness. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(1), 59–70. (Interoception.)
  20. Steele, C. M., & Josephs, R. A. (1990). Alcohol myopia: Its prized and dangerous effects. American Psychologist, 45(8), 921–933.
  21. Siegel, D. J. (1999). The Developing Mind: Toward a Neurobiology of Interpersonal Experience. New York: Guilford Press. (Window of tolerance.)
  22. Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.
  23. Taylor, J. B. (2008). My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. New York: Viking.
  24. Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400–424.
  25. Bushman, B. J. (2002). Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger, and aggressive responding. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(6), 724–731.
  26. Foster, G. E., & Sheel, A. W. (2005). The human diving response, its function, and its control. Scandinavian Journal of Medicine & Science in Sports, 15(1), 3–12. (Dive reflex.)
  27. Balban, M. Y., Neri, E., Kogon, M. M., Weed, L., Nouriani, B., Jo, B., Holl, G., Zeitzer, J. M., Spiegel, D., & Huberman, A. D. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1), 100895.
  28. Gerritsen, R. J. S., & Band, G. P. H. (2018). Breath of life: The respiratory vagal stimulation model of contemplative activity. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 12, 397.
  29. Meuret, A. E., Wilhelm, F. H., Ritz, T., & Roth, W. T. (2008). Feedback of end-tidal pCO2 as a therapeutic approach for panic disorder. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 42(7), 560–568. (On hypocapnia and paradoxical breathing effects.)
  30. Najavits, L. M. (2002). Seeking Safety: A Treatment Manual for PTSD and Substance Abuse. New York: Guilford Press. (The clinical grounding toolkit, including sensory grounding.)
  31. Jacobson, E. (1938). Progressive Relaxation. Chicago: University of Chicago Press. (Foundations of PMR.)
  32. Davidson, R. J., Kabat-Zinn, J., Schumacher, J., et al. (2003). Alterations in brain and immune function produced by mindfulness meditation. Psychosomatic Medicine, 65(4), 564–570.
  33. Tang, Y. Y., Hölzel, B. K., & Posner, M. I. (2015). The neuroscience of mindfulness meditation. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 16(4), 213–225.
  34. Wright, S., Day, A., & Howells, K. (2009). Mindfulness and the treatment of anger problems. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 14(5), 396–401.
  35. Kirsch, I., Montgomery, G., & Sapirstein, G. (1995). Hypnosis as an adjunct to cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy: A meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63(2), 214–220.
  36. Maguire, E. A., Gadian, D. G., Johnsrude, I. S., Good, C. D., Ashburner, J., Frackowiak, R. S., & Frith, C. D. (2000). Navigation-related structural change in the hippocampi of taxi drivers. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 97(8), 4398–4403.
  37. Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275. (On the brain's processing of social threat.)
  38. Voss, C., & Raz, T. (2016). Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It. New York: HarperBusiness.
  39. Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. New York: Bantam. (On emotional co-regulation.)
  40. Stone, D., Patton, B., & Heen, S. (1999). Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. New York: Viking.
  41. Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (2011). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (3rd ed.). New York: Penguin.
  42. Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. (Autonomy and the safety of "no.")
  43. Thomas, K. W., & Kilmann, R. H. (1974). Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. Tuxedo, NY: Xicom.
  44. Christensen, A., & Heavey, C. L. (1990). Gender and social structure in the demand/withdraw pattern of marital conflict. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(1), 73–81.
  45. Gottman, J. M. (1994). What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship Between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
  46. Heyman, R. E., & Slep, A. M. S. (2001). The hazards of predicting divorce without crossvalidation. Journal of Marriage and Family, 63(2), 473–479. (The accuracy figures were fitted, not cross-validated.)
  47. Tronick, E. Z. (2007). The Neurobehavioral and Social-Emotional Development of Infants and Children. New York: W.W. Norton. (Rupture and repair; the still-face research.)
  48. Tangney, J. P., & Dearing, R. L. (2002). Shame and Guilt. New York: Guilford Press.
  49. Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. New York: William Morrow.
  50. Eddy, B. (2014). BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns (2nd ed.). Scottsdale, AZ: HCI Press.
  51. Eddy, B. (2018). 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities. New York: TarcherPerigee.
  52. Del Vecchio, T., & O'Leary, K. D. (2004). Effectiveness of anger treatments for specific anger problems: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 24(1), 15–34.
  53. DiGiuseppe, R., & Tafrate, R. C. (2007). Understanding Anger Disorders. New York: Oxford University Press.
  54. Lewis, L. F., & Stevens, K. (2023). The lived experience of meltdowns for autistic adults. Autism, 27(6), 1817–1825.
  55. Fogg, B. J. (2019). Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
  56. Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
  57. Marlatt, G. A., & Donovan, D. M. (Eds.). (2005). Relapse Prevention (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.

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