NVC in Conflict

NVC conflict resolution doesn't aim for compromise. It aims for solutions both people can support, which is harder and better.

The NVC conflict resolution process follows five steps:

1. Self-empathy first. Before engaging, understand your own feeling and need. You cannot give empathy from an empty tank.

2. Empathy for the other. Before expressing your own position, ensure the other person feels heard. Reflect their feelings and needs until they confirm you've understood.

3. Express yourself honestly. Once the other person feels heard, they have the capacity to hear you. Use the full NVC model: observation, feeling, need, request.

4. Search for strategies that meet both needs. This is collaborative, not adversarial. 'We both have needs here. What might work for both of us?' List options without judgment.

5. Check in. 'Does this solution meet your needs? And mine?' If not, return to step 4.

The crucial distinction: NVC asks what both people need, not who is right. Most conflicts that feel irresolvable become workable when both parties' needs are on the table.

In real life: Two colleagues in conflict about project ownership. Using NVC: Both share their needs (recognition, autonomy, impact). A solution emerges where ownership is shared but roles are clearly delineated, something neither had considered in the adversarial framing.

🎯 Takeaway: The goal is not to win. The goal is for both people to walk away with their needs met.

Try this

Think of a current or recent conflict. What are your needs in this conflict? What do you imagine the other person's needs might be? Is there a solution that could meet both?

Part V